So I was reading my Bible this morning and I came across something pretty cool that I've probly read millions...ok, maybe not a million, but quite a few times...Matthew 4.
It starts off talking about when Jesus was tempted by the devil while He was fasting in the desert. (first of all, fasting is hard enough, but He did it in the desert...that's pretty intense!)Anyway, Satan finds him and he's like "hey, if you're hungry, why don't you just turn some rocks into bread, huh?" and Jesus is like "Man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." So boom Satan! (Deut. 8:3) Then Satan tells Him "why don't you fall down off of this really tall temple and get some angels to save you?" Jesus says Yeah right! "Do not test the Lord your God." (Deut. 6:16). So Satan tries again and tells Jesus he'll give him abunch of really awesome kingdoms (which is weird to me because it's not like Satan owned them and had the right to give them away) if Jesus will bow down to him, but Jesus resisted again and told the devil what was up. "Fear the Lord your God, serve Him only..." (Deut. 6:13)
So, that's maybe kind of a long recap, but here's what gets me: I never think about things being hard for Jesus. I always remember the part about how He is 100% God, but I think I forget too often that He was also 100% human...And if he was human, he went through things that we go through, like for example, being tempted. Is that crazy to anyone else, because it is to me. I think every other time I've read that story I've believed that Jesus was tempted but that it was super easy for Him to resist the temptations...Soo, maybe I'm wrong, but I've been thinking about it alot and it doesn't really make sense to me that someone could be tempted but not have some part of them that was like "gahhh, i really want that...so bad. At least for right now..."
Tempt= 1.to entice or allure to do something often regarded as unwise, wrong, or immoral.
2. to attract, appeal strongly to, or invite.
Anyway, yeah, I just think it's kinda great that our King Jesus was tempted in the desert by Satan Mc-Crappypants but Jesus said no way jose! And as followers of Jesus, we can say no way jose too because we have Jesus who is living INSIDE us! It sounds super hard to resist stuff that is bad for us yet sounds so appealing, but the point is that Jesus Christ already died for our sins on the cross and if we just let him have control of all our crap, our lives will go so much better. So yeahhh boyeee, let's do it!
Oh but hey, just as a sidenote: I'm definitely just learning what it means to give my crap to Jesus and let him reign in my life. I'm learning that when I do take the time to dig deep in His word that is is so sweet and satisfying and revealing and just worth it!
"Help me see the light, I'm reaching through the fight Yahweh. Show me the Kingdom. Arms open wide, death swallowed up by life. Yahweh, show me the kingdom." -B.D.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
No More Sleepin Under Stars of Apathy...
It's well past midnight
And I'm awake with questions that won't
Wait for daylight
Separating fact from my imaginary fiction
On this shelf of my conviction
I need to find a place
Where You and I come face to face
Thomas needed
Proof that You had really risen
Undefeated
When he placed his fingers
Where the nails once broke Your skin
Did his faith finally begin?
I've lied if I've denied
The common ground I've shared with him
And I, I really want to know You
I want to make each day
A different way that I can show You how
I really want to love You
Be patient with my doubt
I'm just tryin' to figure out Your will
And I really want to know You still
Nicodemus
Could not understand how You could
Truly free us
He struggled with the image
Of a grown man born again
We might have been good friends
Cuz sometimes I still question, too
How easily we come to You
No more campin' on the porch of indecision
No more sleepin' under stars of apathy
And it might be easier to dream
But dreamin's not for me
And I'm awake with questions that won't
Wait for daylight
Separating fact from my imaginary fiction
On this shelf of my conviction
I need to find a place
Where You and I come face to face
Thomas needed
Proof that You had really risen
Undefeated
When he placed his fingers
Where the nails once broke Your skin
Did his faith finally begin?
I've lied if I've denied
The common ground I've shared with him
And I, I really want to know You
I want to make each day
A different way that I can show You how
I really want to love You
Be patient with my doubt
I'm just tryin' to figure out Your will
And I really want to know You still
Nicodemus
Could not understand how You could
Truly free us
He struggled with the image
Of a grown man born again
We might have been good friends
Cuz sometimes I still question, too
How easily we come to You
No more campin' on the porch of indecision
No more sleepin' under stars of apathy
And it might be easier to dream
But dreamin's not for me
Monday, December 20, 2010
Get stoked...I am!
So, school is officially over for the semester, like grades posted and everything. I'm not gona lie, I was pretty nervous to see my blaw grade. I figured I could pull off a D, but I really needed a C...also on tracs, it said my bio grade was a B, but I was in disbelief. When you tend to make 68's on your tests (or quite possible 30 points lower) you don't usually end up with a B. Buttttt...I guess the final saved me; I made a 99 (: And in Blaw, I made a C!! Yeah so, needless to say, I'm pretty stoked about my grades and how this semester finished.
Alot of other great stuff other than grades happened this semester too:
-I made some super legit friends and deepened other friendships from last year. I'm super blessed by God to have these people in my life. These peeps don't mind that i'm kinda awkward sometimes (ok, alot of the time) and crazy and shy except for not really. They even want me to play the guitar for them, so that's pretty fun (cept for when there's boys present who are straight up beasts on the guitar, that makes my heart beat super fast).
-B-hoot...aka Brooke Hooten and Amanda Jane Foss from the bsm. I don't know how God's brain works (obviously) but I am sure glad He thought it would be a good idea to lead them to Txstate while I am at Txstate. These kids are pretty much amazing and I love getting to hang out with them and just get to be real with them. I love that it was like this from the very beginning and that more than anything else, these girls/ladies/"women"/whatever you want to call them love Jesus more than anything else and seek His will for their lives. Woodangyeah! You guys rock my socks off.
-My small group girls...as disheartening as it was sometimes to only have 2 girls when everyone else's group was pretty much literally overflowing (okk, not literally), God really used our time together and I'm so thankful now for a small group where we could be open and honest, even if it took awhile to get there. It's also definitely at least tried to teach me about responsibility...stupid talents! (: But yeah, last semester was a blast and I'm looking forward to what God will do next semester, and how He will use my inadequacies for His glory. Yeeahh boyeee!
-Conversations with people about who God is...I feel like there is so much that I've learned but still sooo much that I just have no stinkin idea about. I'm just glad that God is bigger than me and in control even when I can't even fathom that. He is provider, healer, sanctifier, shepherd, righteousness, the God that's always been, God most high, Lord, All powerful and Almighty, Peace, and so much more. But most importantly to me, He is my Satisfier. That's a tough one for me becuase I want the things of this world so much sometimes, but God is faithful and He leads me to truth: No one on earth can fill my emptiness and give me what I need. Only He can.
For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. Ps. 107:9
And now it's almost Christmas, so I'm also stoked about that because I'm pretty dang glad God chose to send Jesus to live a perfect life on earth and be our Redeemer. Also I like hanging out with my family...and I'm not gona lie, I do enjoy the presents (:
Alot of other great stuff other than grades happened this semester too:
-I made some super legit friends and deepened other friendships from last year. I'm super blessed by God to have these people in my life. These peeps don't mind that i'm kinda awkward sometimes (ok, alot of the time) and crazy and shy except for not really. They even want me to play the guitar for them, so that's pretty fun (cept for when there's boys present who are straight up beasts on the guitar, that makes my heart beat super fast).
-B-hoot...aka Brooke Hooten and Amanda Jane Foss from the bsm. I don't know how God's brain works (obviously) but I am sure glad He thought it would be a good idea to lead them to Txstate while I am at Txstate. These kids are pretty much amazing and I love getting to hang out with them and just get to be real with them. I love that it was like this from the very beginning and that more than anything else, these girls/ladies/"women"/whatever you want to call them love Jesus more than anything else and seek His will for their lives. Woodangyeah! You guys rock my socks off.
-My small group girls...as disheartening as it was sometimes to only have 2 girls when everyone else's group was pretty much literally overflowing (okk, not literally), God really used our time together and I'm so thankful now for a small group where we could be open and honest, even if it took awhile to get there. It's also definitely at least tried to teach me about responsibility...stupid talents! (: But yeah, last semester was a blast and I'm looking forward to what God will do next semester, and how He will use my inadequacies for His glory. Yeeahh boyeee!
-Conversations with people about who God is...I feel like there is so much that I've learned but still sooo much that I just have no stinkin idea about. I'm just glad that God is bigger than me and in control even when I can't even fathom that. He is provider, healer, sanctifier, shepherd, righteousness, the God that's always been, God most high, Lord, All powerful and Almighty, Peace, and so much more. But most importantly to me, He is my Satisfier. That's a tough one for me becuase I want the things of this world so much sometimes, but God is faithful and He leads me to truth: No one on earth can fill my emptiness and give me what I need. Only He can.
For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. Ps. 107:9
And now it's almost Christmas, so I'm also stoked about that because I'm pretty dang glad God chose to send Jesus to live a perfect life on earth and be our Redeemer. Also I like hanging out with my family...and I'm not gona lie, I do enjoy the presents (:
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Psalm 62:5-8
Ps. 62:5-8
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."
Dang. Can I just say that it has been awhile since my soul found the rest I needed in God? I've been shaken. God hasn't been my fortress, people have.
And that pretty much always sucks. Because no matter how great and amazing people can be, they still let you down. This might be because I build them up way too high in the first place and placed crazy expectations on them (uhh, yeah, I don't like it when people do that to me...). Also, maybe I realize that people aren't GOd, so they can't always be right and definitely can't always make me happy. That's where I get in the way and try to do the impossible of measuring up to the quite possibly not even real standards I feel like people want me to live up to...
How silly.
I'm not even sure about the whole part about my salvation and my honor depending on God. I mean sure, I get the salvation part. Without God, there wouldn't even be salvation (Thanks God!) But my honor depends on God...what does that even mean?
Welp, honor is honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions. OR a source of credit or distinction. OR high respect, as far as worth, merit, or rank. OR high public esteem; fame; glory;, etc...
Depend means to rely on; place trust in or to rely for support, maintenance, help, etc. Or to put trust in, rely on, be sure of. To be influenced or determined by... (thanks dictionary.com)
So yeah, think about that stuff, and if you were lost, maybe it makes more sense now. It does to me.
My salvations and my source of credit, any kind of worth, merit, fame, or glory I get, is determined alone by God.
So. The solution to my problems? Trust in God at ALL TIMES, and pour my heart out to Him, because HE is my refuge! Of course, sometimes it's hard to trust in God, who you can't see and maybe have trouble hearing over your own voice and/or thoughts...ya don't have to tell me. But He tells us to, he wants us to. He even tells us to pour out our hearts to Him! Yeah, like all the stuff you try to keep secret and hide because it's bad or it just sucks or it's scary or maybe stupid...just telllllll Him.
He's our refuge. He's the one that takes care of all our crap and picks us up and keeps us safe. He fixes us when we're broken and rebuilds our foundation when we've been shaken. He gives us a reason to hope.
So, hey God, I'm gona find rest for my crazy soul in You alone.
Maybe next time Africa.
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."
Dang. Can I just say that it has been awhile since my soul found the rest I needed in God? I've been shaken. God hasn't been my fortress, people have.
And that pretty much always sucks. Because no matter how great and amazing people can be, they still let you down. This might be because I build them up way too high in the first place and placed crazy expectations on them (uhh, yeah, I don't like it when people do that to me...). Also, maybe I realize that people aren't GOd, so they can't always be right and definitely can't always make me happy. That's where I get in the way and try to do the impossible of measuring up to the quite possibly not even real standards I feel like people want me to live up to...
How silly.
I'm not even sure about the whole part about my salvation and my honor depending on God. I mean sure, I get the salvation part. Without God, there wouldn't even be salvation (Thanks God!) But my honor depends on God...what does that even mean?
Welp, honor is honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions. OR a source of credit or distinction. OR high respect, as far as worth, merit, or rank. OR high public esteem; fame; glory;, etc...
Depend means to rely on; place trust in or to rely for support, maintenance, help, etc. Or to put trust in, rely on, be sure of. To be influenced or determined by... (thanks dictionary.com)
So yeah, think about that stuff, and if you were lost, maybe it makes more sense now. It does to me.
My salvations and my source of credit, any kind of worth, merit, fame, or glory I get, is determined alone by God.
So. The solution to my problems? Trust in God at ALL TIMES, and pour my heart out to Him, because HE is my refuge! Of course, sometimes it's hard to trust in God, who you can't see and maybe have trouble hearing over your own voice and/or thoughts...ya don't have to tell me. But He tells us to, he wants us to. He even tells us to pour out our hearts to Him! Yeah, like all the stuff you try to keep secret and hide because it's bad or it just sucks or it's scary or maybe stupid...just telllllll Him.
He's our refuge. He's the one that takes care of all our crap and picks us up and keeps us safe. He fixes us when we're broken and rebuilds our foundation when we've been shaken. He gives us a reason to hope.
So, hey God, I'm gona find rest for my crazy soul in You alone.
Maybe next time Africa.
Monday, December 6, 2010
if you ain't got no money take your broke, broke home.
I'm really cold. Like, reeeealllyyyy cold. You wouldn't believe all the clothes I'm wearing right now...Yep, i'm gona tell you: socks, leggings, pajama pants, a cami and longsleeve tee, a sweater, and my texas state hoodie. And I'm not gona lie, I'm pretty dang excited to get under my covers very soon! Basically winter is not my season.
The only good thing about winter is having a break from school, but it's not even as good as summer...
Also my phone is pretty much up a creek without a paddle. AKA broken...It's kind of really super great and yet quite annoying at the same time. It's nice to not worry about texts for awhile, funny or helpful (or apparently just really stupid)as they may be. It's kind of lovely in a way not being able to communicate with anyone. at least not by phone. But at the same time, i'm totally bummed because I really wanted to text Jason a line from Almost Famous but now i can't. :/ Also, I have some pretty wonderful friends in other states and who knows if they have texted or called me and are just thinking i'm a straight up jerk because i don't answer them. WHO KNOWS?
Anyway, this blog is basically pointless because I was gona write wayyy more than this but everytime I tried (which was like 3 or 4) it was weird and my thoughts are crazy unorganized and stupid. So for now, just know that I'm getting warmer (alittle) and that I don't hate you, I just can't talk to you via phone. Also please remember that summer is better than winter.
The end.
The only good thing about winter is having a break from school, but it's not even as good as summer...
Also my phone is pretty much up a creek without a paddle. AKA broken...It's kind of really super great and yet quite annoying at the same time. It's nice to not worry about texts for awhile, funny or helpful (or apparently just really stupid)as they may be. It's kind of lovely in a way not being able to communicate with anyone. at least not by phone. But at the same time, i'm totally bummed because I really wanted to text Jason a line from Almost Famous but now i can't. :/ Also, I have some pretty wonderful friends in other states and who knows if they have texted or called me and are just thinking i'm a straight up jerk because i don't answer them. WHO KNOWS?
Anyway, this blog is basically pointless because I was gona write wayyy more than this but everytime I tried (which was like 3 or 4) it was weird and my thoughts are crazy unorganized and stupid. So for now, just know that I'm getting warmer (alittle) and that I don't hate you, I just can't talk to you via phone. Also please remember that summer is better than winter.
The end.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
If you can't beat them, join them!
So I've decided that one night, I'm gona go ask the skateboard boys to teach me how to do it. Maybe when I am bored, or maybe just when I need a study break (it's that time of year ya know...), or just whenever. I don't know when, but I'm gona do it.
I'm just gona walk outside of my lovely house at 1245 at night and go right over to those boys and say "umm, hi. Can you teach me how to skateboard and be cool like you guys?" And then of course, they will look at me like i'm a total crazy and be like "well you probly can't do it because you're a girl..." To which I will say, "pshhhhh. Yeah, and I'm shy. pahaha. Let's do it."
Actually I'm just kidding...but just about the conversation part. I'm really gona go outside and talk to them one night and become friends so that they will want to teach me how to skateboard. I think this could be a really valuable skill to have, ya know? I mean, what if my car breaks down? What if I get bored? What if I want to join the party of skateboarding down the street in the absolute middle of the night keeping the neighbors awake? (Obviously, this is a secret-not-so-secret-anymore desire of mine. No shame.) What if I just want to live alittle?
So yeah, I'm pretty excited. I'm alittle nervous, but mostly just excited! Brian told me to watch out which ones I hang with because he and jordan saw some 30 year olds who don't have jobs or lives or wives out there today. I told him "hello, candidate for a wife RIGHT HERE!" haha. jk. I told him those were not the guys I was gona talk to anyway. But look at him, lookin out for me (:
Jordan also looks out for me. His words of advice were "yeah, if you can't beat them, join them." So that's what I'm going to do!
I'm just gona walk outside of my lovely house at 1245 at night and go right over to those boys and say "umm, hi. Can you teach me how to skateboard and be cool like you guys?" And then of course, they will look at me like i'm a total crazy and be like "well you probly can't do it because you're a girl..." To which I will say, "pshhhhh. Yeah, and I'm shy. pahaha. Let's do it."
Actually I'm just kidding...but just about the conversation part. I'm really gona go outside and talk to them one night and become friends so that they will want to teach me how to skateboard. I think this could be a really valuable skill to have, ya know? I mean, what if my car breaks down? What if I get bored? What if I want to join the party of skateboarding down the street in the absolute middle of the night keeping the neighbors awake? (Obviously, this is a secret-not-so-secret-anymore desire of mine. No shame.) What if I just want to live alittle?
So yeah, I'm pretty excited. I'm alittle nervous, but mostly just excited! Brian told me to watch out which ones I hang with because he and jordan saw some 30 year olds who don't have jobs or lives or wives out there today. I told him "hello, candidate for a wife RIGHT HERE!" haha. jk. I told him those were not the guys I was gona talk to anyway. But look at him, lookin out for me (:
Jordan also looks out for me. His words of advice were "yeah, if you can't beat them, join them." So that's what I'm going to do!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
6 months later, here ya go...
This summer my wonderful roommate/partner showed me this song. I pretended to like it, and then i went to take a shower and cried the whole time. Yeah, that's alittle depressing, I realize this. A few months after, a friend of mine told me I should listen to this song. I didn't remember what the name of the one was that had made me cry, so I figured ok, why not? So I looked it up and listened to it and I texted my friend back and told him that it was so sad. (He didn't seem to think so, but whatever haha.)
But anyway, as I listened to it for the 3rd time, I kinda fell in love with it... It still makes me sad because I know there's people who feel like this and sometimes even I feel like this. I know, I know, enough with the depressing stuff. But lucky for me/us, God does love us for us so that's really refreshing. Sometimes I work really hard to be this awesome great person, and it's pretty much all in vain, because when I do that, I'm trying to make myself look good, not God. Of course, this never works because I can't look good without God. I forget this. Quite often. I also seem to forget that God is the one who made me, and I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am made in His image even. So that's pretty flipin sweet.
I pray that I can remember that whenever I am the third wheel, the lame one, the loner, the one with bad grades, the shy/not-so-shy one, the plain-jane, the boring one, the unloved one, He still loves me for me. And that after the tears, the frustration, the unbelief, the doubting, and the fears, I have a smile on my face, because my Savior has redeemed me. And when God looks at me, He doesn't see all my yucky crap, He just sees His awesome Son, making me lovely.
So, yay God! (:
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